Curse learning to do things myself.

(Also known as I should have paid attention when people were showing me stuff.)

I pinned a pin to Pinterest. (Like picking a peck of...you know). Basically I got all the supplies to make this floor "pouf" cushion thing. I let the supplies marinate for about a week and then in true me style I decide to do it at 9pm tonight. I'm making this floor cushion. Watch out world!

Basically I shouldn't sew things this late at night because I'm pretty sure it sounds like a machine gun to my neighbors but I was inspired to do it.

This project involved some piping (that cord stuff that goes around stuff and makes it look all official). I officially hate it now. It's hard. I googled it during the week some time and got some pointers. So I pinned all that junk down (after I'd cut my circles and rectangles and all that jazz).

Oh ya buddy. This is an hour of my life ill never get back. Jk. Like 30 minutes but still.

So I remembered reading somewhere that a zipper foot is the way to go with those things. Well I'd accidentally somehow knocked my pedal off last week and figured out (googled) how to put it back so I knew I could get that off no problem. So I opened up my bag of miscellaneous things I don't know what they do and there were more than one pedal in there.  Well poo. I figured out (googled) which one was the zipper foot and changed them out. Now, we're cooking. I started sewing that stuff on. It was awful but I made it. I don't recommend a first piping experience to be round but I digress.

I'm basically at this point feeling super confident that I've got this. I proceed to pinning this straight piece onto the round piece. A little tricky but I still got this. I then put it up to sew it, get about half way around and BAM!!  I dunno who did it but that needle popped in half like it hit steel. 

And...Houston we have a problem. See that's happened before...once. At which point I swiftly got my mommy to fix it for me. Um...my mommy doesn't live here. Ok no biggie. I have google so I pull out my bag of miscellaneous objects again and there a needle with another needle attached to it. Super, a back up needle!  I tried to pull one out but it doesn't come. So I resort back to my advisor (google). Wait, there's a double needle thingy. It hurts my head to think about what that would be for but clearly it's not the two needles I thought I could use separately. 

So basically I have no needle. It's 11:30 at night and I still don't know how to fix it. I'm gonna have to go to the store and buy a needle and then go to google and figure this puppy out. Clearly, my method of fixing things (ie having someone do it for me) only is effective if that person is always here. Darn. I need my mommy!!!

Next on the list of things I need someone to show me is how to string my guitar. I'm ok with looking dumb until someone helps me if I have to change a tire. 

Disclaimer:  I am not a good sewing person. I took home ec once in jr high. I'm just figuring it out as I go so don't judge my stupidity. 

Decisions...decisions

It's that time of year again. If you live in an apartment, you can theoretically change your life every time your lease is up. My lease is up August 31.

So, what do I do?  I have several options. The part of town I live in is slowly becoming less desirable. But I live in a nice apartment. So, I could just stay put. Definitely the cheaper option. It's a nice place but only one bedroom. The people that run it are nice but I'd like to punch my neighbor in the face.

I could move to a new apartment in a better part of town. Of course I'd have to pay deposits and pack and move and blah blah. It might be better. It might not be. You never know really until you're there.

I could completely move. Like new city move. My life here has changed from what I enjoyed. I don't really feel like I'm needed here anymore when I'm not at work. That's one of the reasons the blogs slowed down; I don't have cute pictures anymore.  My fun buddy is busy doing fun things other places. So, its kind of an added loneliness and I like to be needed, and I'm not sure I am needed anymore. Which is fine but sad cuz I assumed I might be needed more. So if I'm not, why am I still here?  The thing is though I have a good job. I'm learning a lot and feel like I know what I'm doing lol. I feel like if I went back to where I came from my job life would be a demotion. However my personal life would definitely not suck as bad. So which is more important?  What I do to get paid or what I do for fun?  I could also move to somewhere completely new but then my personal life might not change either. So from that aspect I might as well stay here.

Basically, I can do anything I want to do, but I don't know what I want to do. I hate decisions. I wish I had a crystal ball to see the future. Will my life ever go back to being what it was?  Or am I just destined for loneliness here?  I would like to make a wise decision but realistically I'd like to just have someone tell me what to do lol. Clearly I might need a husband for that. Dear husband...just take me somewhere lol. Just kidding.

I'm basically leaning toward moving locations in town and staying put to wait it out. Honestly, I'm not sure I'm up for a complete life change again. But I have to make a decision soon. So, we'll have to see what the future holds.

(Disclaimer: I'm really just thinking out loud cuz that's what I do on my blog. Again it's not meant to offend anyone because there's nothing worth getting offended over lol. But I wanted to throw that out there too just in case)

Where'd you go?

I've had several people ask why I stopped blogging or when I was gonna do it again or various forms of this question. First, I'm flattered that you were looking for me. Second is the answer. It's marinating.

Basically my blog is, a lot of time, like leaving my diary open for y'all to read. I use it as a cathartic experience of working through stuff. Throwing my thoughts out and processing is for my benefit as well as your entertainment. Along the way I'm very cognizant of things that might be offensive to people in my real life. So some of it stays in my closed door journal. That way no one reads it, takes it wrong and hates me for life (Jk. Basically I don't need the extra drama of people being mad about a blog. Seriously.)

So, I'm still letting things marinate. I'm letting them boil down to the meaty goodness that might be fit for public consumption. When they are ready, I'll let them out for you...or not. I'll decide when that time comes. For now just know that I'm working through life and I'm not sure I like where it is and possibly where it's headed but I'm taking a wait-see approach.

I'm Trying to figure out what I really want out if life and if this is really all my life is going to boil down to, and if it is, how I feel about that. (Know that I don't hate my life; it's just very different from what I imagined it to be and even from what it used to be. I'm feeling perhaps a little useless and lost. But c'est la vie.). I'm working through stuff quietly. If I let it out now it would only be unnecessarily drama-laden, though no doubt entertaining, and I really would prefer everyone stay as happy as they are physically capable of being. I'll be back soon, if only for meaningless chatter and craft time. You never know.

Thanks for waiting on my 36-year crisis. I hope we all come out ok on the other side.