I think there has to be middle ground between confrontational and non-confrontational. I dunno if it lies in politeness. I don't know how to get there either...or for that matter what it looks like.
I think people are one or the other generally. I've never really met someone in the middle. I've met people who think they are in the middle. They tend to talk about how horrible it is that someone's non-confrontational but when push comes to shove, they won't tell you what they think either. I think they are just more confrontational than the people they are talking about but still non when you get right down to it.
I've met confrontational people too. They scare me. They will say things for the sheer fun of starting an argument and watching it go. I don't know that that is productive at all but they have a sadistic good time. Mostly around those people I'm just thankful if they are going after someone besides me.
Mostly I'm non-confrontational...it's true. You have to really tick me off to get me confront you and it's usually in the heat of it and I regret it once the fire has died. Arguments make my belly hurt. If someone comes at me I tend to shut down and make an exit as quickly as possible from the situation. I don't like it. I used to fire up and fire back but I think age has mellowed me. But I'm afraid it's allowed for being taken advantage of as well.
There's been some moments when I wanted to be confrontational, but manners or thinking of the consequences kept me nice. I wanted to hang up the phone on someone recently but I realized they'd either call me back or id hear about it later so I just gritted my teeth and hung on.
Most recently I've found myself wanting a mini-confrontation if you will. I want to know where I stand in certain situations but I have no idea how to read them, which is unusual. There are mixed signals everywhere and I'm trying to figure out how to proceed but since no one will just shoot straight, it's difficult terrain to navigate and as much as I hate it, I facilitate it by trying to mold myself to what the situation appears to be requiring and wondering if that was the correct move and never truly knowing.
I think what I've come down to is we don't need confrontation or lack of confrontation. We need honesty. If you want something from someone you have to tell them what you want. Not sit around and get angry because they aren't guessing correctly. Life is too short to be a guessing game. I think it may take some getting used to but if everyone would just say, "hey I like when you ___, but it drives me nuts when you ___" then we'd all be on the same page and even if it causes momentary tension it would be worth it in the end.
Maybe
You never know unless you try. But it's scary to try.
