couch to....other couch

So...if you know me, you know my favorite sport is...um....well it used to be softball but I found that I am deficient in my super rad hitting skills that I used to possess...this causes me much sadness. I can still throw a ball hard and far, but come on..without hitting that's lame...and unless I can hit far I can't get to the base 'cause I'm...well...running impaired.

My brother is a runner. Word on the street...'cause I put it there...is I think he's crazy. Secretly...(pause for a moment of reverence for the great confession)...I am amazed and think it's kinda cool. Not to watch, mind you...but it's like...idk...something I can't do...'cause I'd die.

{this is my brother...he runs...that's his wife...she runs too...}

Well...insert new plan....wait for it....

COUCH TO 5K

Ya...totally saw it on the internet...then heard about it on facebook...then again on TV...so I thought, what the heck. I have the couch part down pretty well at this point.

Chances are slim to none that I will ever run a 5K....probably more like none to none. But the couch to fridge plan isn't really working, so I better try something different.

Here's where my ingenious plan began...I was gonna run outside, but...well it's hot...and people might laugh at me lol...and the other thing is, I have a lot of things working against me...I'm afraid I'll be like, say, halfway around the lake and my knee will crack in half and I'll be crawl/dragging my wounded leg the rest of the way around the lake (ya mocking city)...OR...one of my internal organs will explode (say my heart or lungs most likely) and I'll be lying on the ground dead...awkward for other runners/walkers. I figure inside my house, I'll be close enough to the couch that I can drag my bleeding carcass there before I die or can at least die with dignity on my living room floor for the paramedics to find when something starts stinking and someone realizes they haven't seen me in 5 months. hmmm...yummy.

SO...anyway...I have a Gazelle...which is like a glider almost elliptical like thing (you know...guy with the pony tail and steroids...back in the day). So, I started doing it on that...you know glide slow when it says walk and glide fast when it says run...haha...I know right? I need to go outside. I actually get further on the odometer faster than just doing it straight. Anyway...it's interesting...someday I'll get past level 1...maybe.

So...if you wanna get off the couch and fake run with me, here's the plan...come over to my house. You sit on the couch while I start my run/walk. Then, when I fall off or die, it's your turn. It's a good plan, no?

However, I am currently not residing at my palace because I'm at my mom's crib...so you'll have to wait til I get paroled for good behavior...or kicked out for bad behavior...it's a toss up really.

My other plan was to stop eating chocolate and drinking soda, but come on...really? That's like asking the "Dance Moms" to stop yelling...have you watched that show? Really? really?! I know but it's like a train wreck...you start watching and you have to keep watching to see how crazy that chick is gonna be...but I digress. Back to running...hmmm...ya I don't really have anything else to say on the subject, so I think I'll go sit on the couch and think about it some more while eating M&Ms and watching TV and contemplating becoming the kind of person who does something productive...eh...prolly not.

xoxo